two7zero3

Sunday, July 30, 2006

completely incomplete
wordplay.
i've found i blog for no reason at all.
like what i'm doing now. i'm juz bored. i'm blogging to free up my boredom.
it's like the blog's a place where i can come to to talk to something when i've got nothing to do. i juz type type type away with nothing much in my mind juz for the sake of blogging and not for the sake of logging anything down. i juz wanna do something. wonder why i think . its a dumb mechanism of the human being. thinking. if everything were simple and thinking wasn't around nothing would've been so complicated. there. i juz stated the obvious. obscure stuff that confunds.well. this post shall have totally no links to anything. not even between lines and all. i', juz writing down random stuffs.why did i think so much. its simple. maybe it was all too long ago. everything seems to have fell apart. and after falling apart fitted back again. juz that the pieces were never really the same again. and nvr every looked the same . maybe thats why it dosen't seem like before. maybe thats why before seemed so wonderful. can't really say i want to think cheerful all the time. i know i like to do that. ppl around kinda give me confidence. but when there isn't i kinda get broken. lost. find myself wandering. nowhere everywhere somewhere. everything is blurred. grey? maybe not. where's the line . is there light at the end? i juz hope nothing ever begins. for then nothing ends. but if nothing begins then what would ending be like. we wouldn't even know. its juz the world's weird way of interlinking everything. every single entity . i dun really know. should i really care? so why not it begin? and the ending we shall mould. maybe if we tried hard enough it wouldn't end so soon. but everything always comes to ends. and what we've left is juz memories. so is the aim of life to get all the memories the nice memories. create them for urself. and at the end. u tell urself that this is my life. i've had all these memories. and smile. for it was all worth it. memories. the blurry things that seem all too close to ur heart. maybe thats why . thats why humans don't work like computers. with perfect memories . only saving the ones they want and leaving the rest behind. we can't really choose. we can't really decide on what we wanna keep with us. maybe hiding from the truth is trying but not succeeding. so maybe thats what makes humans to unique. the obscured memory makes it all the more realistic. the irony eh? vividly painted pictures that are stored. they juz served to tweak ur mind into thinking about more of the memories. i wonder if years down i picked up a photo. would i still remember every story behind every thing. or would i look at it as if its foreign...lost to time. time that makes everything and breaks everything. ever wonder who controls time. who's to say it's going forward. maybe we're going backward. nobody would even know. its juz that the universally accepted truth is always accepted whether or not its the true truth or not . what an irony where the truth lies. and true truths are hard to find. maybe there isn't a single shred of truth in this world. maybe the entire world is as it is. true as it can be. who are we to decide? pessimistic view eh? juz read today that i'm supposed to be positive. maybe yeah . i am . but maybe again i'm not. i guess horoscopes and all the characteristics they show are juz . well templates. its all about how u live ur life. its all about the choices. decisions. if i chose to be positive i can be. and negative likewise. worst case and optimum scenario. both can happen. the pessimist looks at the worst. optimist looks at the optimum. me? like most other ppl who are in between and not an extreme, i look at both . supposedly i'm to be discerning .able to tell what'sthe best for me. but i think it juz gets stuff more confusing. but yeah well. how optimistic u can be is how much u wanna be. thats juz it. there aren't pessimists or optimists in the world. at least i dun think so. i think that everyone is juz an in between . its juz how life treats u and how u live life that decides how u think . look at it slowly. maybe it isn't that bad after all. i chose to be more positive. it kinda makes me happier. happiness. another vague thing of the world. my father once asked me what makes me happy. i couldn't answer him. maybe because i didn't know how happy i already was. or maybe because happiness is not really a feeling. its sorta. a sense? its stronger than juz plain feelings. wonder if there's a scientific explanation to how we can become happy. hahas. maybe thats why they call it a sense of achievement and not a feeling. hahas. its juz that slight line between the two. and so much more meaning can be put into the phrase. i wonder if i have the confidence to go on. hypocritical. i can't do what i tell others to . what a weak person. leos are supposed to be leaders. i chose to be a follower. see how differently it all could've worked out. but do i dislike my life so much that i want it to have turned out differently? no way. i dun hate my life. i love it. but the way i live my life? i'm not really happy with it. nobody ever hates their lives i guess. they juz hate the ways they live it. afterall life never goes according to plan. maybe thats why i nvr like to plan. i'd rather take things as they come. its juz like life . but what a lousy way of living life. see. already u can see i'm not really happy about how i live my life. but i dun hate it. thats too strong a word.hm. leos take criticisms hard. do i? guess i do. a arrogant fool who needs to be woken up one day. always i tell myself to change yet i nvr do. ahas. another way to not look at life.
hm. guess i shall stop here.
left out the 966 and quote of the days part in both my posts.
maybe life isn't as melancholic as i sound.
maybe i'm juz having a bad day
maybe i shall think happy thoughts.
leos recover from setbacks quickly.
lucky me.
juz that luck is a skill.
juz hanging by a moment here with you


ticktick # 3:17 PM